My work as a couples’ counselor is informed by my faith, my own relational experiences, and my professional training. My faith as a Christian has served as the foundation for my understanding of relationships and love.  It is what first directed my attention to working with couples in relationship, and marital relationships in particular. It is what stimulates my intention to work on preserving and expanding relationships through the difficulties that couples face. From my faith I also draw an understanding of love in marriage that is quite different from the typical view in our society. While the typical view focuses on the passionate love that initially attracts two people to one another, I see love’s true role as the source of strength and power during life’s difficulties.

In my view, it is not through the loss of passion during life’s difficulties that we fall out of love, as many in our society have come to accept. Instead, it is precisely during these times that we have the opportunity to experience love and its depth more profoundly, and it is spiritually sourced. A love that spurs personal growth and deepens relationships beyond what they could have ever been otherwise. It is what enables us to commit ourselves to another and strive to maintain that commitment, even in those times we don’t feel it. This love is what empowers us to be honest about our own shortcomings and failures, and to accept and work through those shortcomings and failures of our spouse. These works of love are not natural. In fact, often what is natural in us moves directly against these works (remaining committed to another, owning our own shortcomings, and accepting and working through the shortcomings of others). I understand these works to be spiritual in nature. God’s own spirit working to reconcile and harmonize us with himself, and then with others, both inter-personally and intra-personally. In this way my faith is central to my view of love and relationships. Also informing my views are my own life experiences in relationships.   

In my own experience I have observed the powerful role of family relationships in shaping my life overtime, and in impacting my daily sense of strength and health. While there are many familial relationships impacting my life in this way (such as with my parents, siblings, extended family, and friends) my own marriage is by far the strongest of these sources of strength, hope, and life for me when facing life’s difficulties; it is also a principle motivation for me to continue growing spiritually, emotionally, physically, and intellectually. In those times that I have felt disconnected or even at odds with my wife, the weight and stress of life’s difficulties have multiplied exponentially. These experiences have made clear to me the important role of our committed relationships in life functioning. This relationship with my wife, as well as those other family relationships I share in, directly shape my understanding of how relationships work; but my professional training has significantly expanded this understanding and provided me the skills for working to address relational difficulties.

    My professional training has equipped me with a deep understanding of relational dynamics, and both inter-personal and intra-personal growth. Beyond this conceptual understanding, it has also provided me the skills necessary for facilitating growth and change in relationships. In my work with couples I seek to identify problematic interaction patterns that frustrate individuals and undermine each couples’ ability to address the challenges they face. These problematic interaction patterns tend to isolate individuals, breed resentment, and increase distress both for individuals and the relationship. Once these interaction patterns are identified, I am able to work together with these couples to create new patterns of relating that are beneficial and affirming, and that enable them to address life’s difficulties together. By tending to these relational dynamics while couples address the challenges they’re facing, I work to facilitate growth at both individual and relational levels. This approach to my work is informed by theories of family systems, client-centered counseling, and developmental and experiential frameworks. Most directly, my work with couples is informed by a model of couples counseling called Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy. This approach is very well established and is supported by a strong body of research demonstrating its long term effectiveness.

With much time and reflection, I have worked to integrate these three powerful influences on my perspective and approach to relationships and work. My faith, experience in relationships, and professional training all contribute to my work with couples. Their influences are ever present in my views on love and relationships, my understanding of relational dynamics and growth, and my approach in addressing relationship difficulties. Informed by these, I work to preserve and expand relationships, helping couples to grow together through life challenges in a way that is beneficial and supportive for both individuals. This work stimulates growth on both individual and relational levels, and I believe that it ultimately moves to harmonize us in spirit with our creator.